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John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit
[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN]
John: Morning! Looking for a new car? Bryan : Nope. New Prime Minister, actually. John: You’re the third one this morning. Anything in mind? Bryan : You know…… nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B. John: You mean like a Howard? Bryan : Yeah…a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles. John: So…. you used to have one? Bryan : Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid of him — biggest mistake I’ve ever made. John: What happened? Bryan : Traded him in for a Kevin 07. John: Big mistake. Bryan : Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage. John: How was the Kevin 07? Bryan : Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was good. John: Anything else? Bryan : Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon. John: Didn’t stick around for long did it? Bryan : Nah – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again. John: What was the problem? Bryan : Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way. John: Whatcha got now? Bryan : It’s a Gillard-Brown John: The hybrid?
Bryan : Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse. John: Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the one? Bryan : The Fustercluck model. John: The only one they made, Bryan . Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system? Bryan : Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere. John: So that’s why you’re here? Bryan : That’s right. I’m stuck with a car that’s wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the “Cash for Clunkers” scheme? John: Join the queue brother. |
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